On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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