at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
