Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Quick, to the slutcave!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Who put my cat in the fridge?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
