she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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