Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
