i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
