she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
