Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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