someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
