I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
