Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize