we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
