I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
