she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
