Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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