there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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