he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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