Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
