3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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