U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You're a waste of cheezeits
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
