Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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