he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
