hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
