You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
