I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
