I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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