I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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