The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
