You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
