We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize