After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
