I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You took a bar mat shot.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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