Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
