There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
