How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
