I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
