"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
