Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
