In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
