dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
