Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
