I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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