I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
