absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Who did Billy Mays play for?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
