Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
