Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
bring money and cleavage
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
