I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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