I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
