Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize