WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
