And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
