Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
