My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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