Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
