Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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