Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
