I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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