Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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