I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize