I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
