Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
