You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
