You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
