I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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