We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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