apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
