i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
