She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
