wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize