I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
