is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
