One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
