The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
