You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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