I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
