i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
