Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
