yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
