remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
