I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
