I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
