Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
