if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
