youre lurking in front of me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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