i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
