Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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