we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
