i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
