Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
