then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
