and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize