omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
