Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
