Got a toothbrush?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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