Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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