I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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