to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
my liver is dry heaving
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
